A client contacted me today and said that things were going really well but he was still the same person when he came to see me. He's right about first point and wrong about the second. Yes, it's important to reflect on success and what is going well. He is not same person though. Something very powerful and fundamental has changed. The way he thinks!
Most often, clients come to me to explore challenges, frustrations, and emotional struggles—unresolved conflicts or patterns they feel stuck in. Yet, here was someone wanting to dig into their success. It was an intriguing proposition and one that highlights an often-overlooked aspect of personal growth: the importance of understanding and reflecting on why things are going well.
In the hustle of everyday life, we’re trained to focus on solving problems, both big and small. When something goes wrong, it demands our attention, often prompting feelings of stress or anxiety until we can fix the issue. Conversely, when things are going smoothly, we tend to coast along, appreciating the absence of problems but rarely taking the time to analyse why everything feels balanced. But reflecting on success can be just as important, if not more so, than examining failures. By understanding what’s working, we not only build on those positive behaviours and circumstances but also enhance our resilience for future challenges.
Why Reflecting on Success Matters
It's easy to assume that when life is going well, there’s nothing to explore or discuss in therapy. But this assumption overlooks a crucial opportunity for deeper self-awareness. When we experience periods of success—whether in relationships, career, personal well-being, or emotional stability—it’s worth taking the time to explore the why. What factors are contributing to this success? Are there specific behaviours, thoughts, or circumstances that are helping you thrive? Recognising and analysing these factors can provide a blueprint for sustaining and replicating success in other areas of life.
First, reflecting on success allows us to understand what we’re doing right. Therapy often involves addressing ingrained patterns of thinking or behaviour that lead to negative outcomes. However, during times of success, we might have unconsciously shifted into healthier patterns. Bringing these patterns to light through reflection helps to reinforce them, making it easier to sustain positive change in the long term.
Second, exploring why things are going well can prevent complacency. Without reflection, we risk falling into the trap of assuming that success will continue on autopilot. In reality, even positive outcomes require effort, whether it’s maintaining healthy boundaries, engaging in self-care, or nurturing relationships. By understanding the foundations of our success, we can ensure that we continue to invest in the behaviours and mindsets that support it.
Third, recognising success builds confidence and self-esteem. Therapy often focuses on identifying and working through challenges, which can sometimes leave clients feeling as though they’re always “fixing” something. Reflecting on why things are going well provides a moment to acknowledge personal achievements and growth. It serves as a reminder that not only can we navigate difficult times, but we can also create positive outcomes.
The Role of Gratitude in Reflecting on Success
One powerful tool in reflecting on success is gratitude. Gratitude shifts the focus away from what’s lacking or what needs improvement, and instead highlights what is already good in our lives. When a client comes to therapy to explore why things are going well, they’re essentially engaging in an act of gratitude, whether they realise it or not. They are acknowledging that something in their life feels right and are curious to explore the roots of that contentment.
Gratitude doesn’t mean overlooking problems or pretending challenges don’t exist. Instead, it involves appreciating the positives alongside the negatives. For instance, if someone is experiencing success at work, reflecting on what’s going well might reveal that they’ve been more assertive in meetings, are receiving recognition for their efforts, or are collaborating more effectively with colleagues. These insights can spark a sense of pride and provide the motivation to continue these behaviours.
In therapy, clients often learn to practice gratitude intentionally. This might involve journaling about what’s going well, consciously recognising moments of joy, or expressing thanks for positive experiences. These practices help to solidify the mindset of recognising and appreciating success, making it more likely that clients will continue to build on these positives.
A Balanced Perspective: The Yin and Yang of Success and Struggle
While it’s important to reflect on success, it’s equally important to maintain a balanced perspective. No life is without its ups and downs, and success is often intertwined with challenges. A client may experience a period of professional triumph but also feel the strain in their personal relationships. By reflecting on both the successes and struggles, we can create a more nuanced understanding of our lives.
In therapy, discussing why things are going well can also reveal the hidden dynamics behind success. For example, a client might initially attribute their happiness to external factors such as a new job or a more supportive partner. However, through reflection, they might come to realise that their own internal changes—such as improved communication skills or greater self-compassion—are the real drivers of their well-being. This understanding empowers them to continue working on these internal skills, knowing that they play a crucial role in maintaining success.
This kind of reflective practice also fosters resilience. By understanding what contributes to success, clients develop tools that help them cope when things take a turn for the worse. Knowing that you’ve navigated challenges before, and that you have the ability to foster positive outcomes, builds a stronger sense of agency. It encourages clients to face future difficulties with the confidence that they can overcome them, just as they’ve done before.
Sustaining Success: The Work Doesn’t Stop When Things Go Well
One misconception is that when things are going well, we no longer need to work on ourselves. But this is far from the truth. In fact, periods of success are some of the best times to engage in personal growth. When we’re not in crisis mode, we have more emotional bandwidth to reflect, learn, and evolve. It’s like tending to a garden—just because the flowers are blooming doesn’t mean you stop watering them. If anything, you want to keep nurturing them to ensure they continue to thrive.
Therapy during times of success can focus on maintaining momentum. What behaviours, thoughts, or relationships are contributing to this period of well-being? How can they be preserved or even enhanced? Clients might also explore how to transfer successful strategies from one area of life to another. For instance, if someone is excelling at work due to increased assertiveness, they might reflect on how to bring that same confidence into their personal relationships.
In a world that often emphasises problem-solving and overcoming adversity, taking the time to reflect on why things are going well can feel like an unusual or even indulgent exercise. Yet, understanding the root of our success is just as important as addressing our struggles. By exploring the factors that contribute to our well-being, we can reinforce positive patterns, prevent complacency, and build a greater sense of confidence and resilience.
So, the next time you find yourself in therapy—or simply reflecting on life—don’t be afraid to ask, “Why are things going so well?” It’s a question worth answering.
If you would like to make positive change do contact me beechwoodtherapies@gmail.com
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