The Curious Case of Laura never being at the Gym...
- John Black
- Jun 8
- 4 min read
It’s a Monday evening. I walk into the gym, same time as always. I set my bag down, look around, and notice something: Laura isn’t there. I know she is a member of the gym — always dedicated, and energetic. But today, her absence hits me differently. I immediately start to wonder:
Did she quit?
Is she just lazy now?
Did I say something last week that upset her?
These thoughts might feel automatic, even reasonable. But they’re actually great examples of how our minds can easily be hijacked by thinking distortions — specifically distortion, deletion, and generalisation.
Let’s unpack how this one simple observation — Laura not being at the gym — can open the door to some of the most common and unhelpful patterns in human thinking.
1. Distortion: When Your Mind Tells a Story Without Evidence
Distortion is when we take raw information and twist it into something that may not be objectively true. It’s the mind’s attempt to ‘make sense’ of a situation by filling in gaps — often with emotionally charged, and inaccurate, assumptions.
In the case of Laura:
“She must be avoiding me.”
“She’s let herself go.”
“She’s given up on her goals.”
These are all distorted thoughts. They take the basic fact — Laura is not at the gym — and add meaning that isn't grounded in any actual evidence. You haven’t spoken to her. You don’t know where she is or why she’s not present. But the brain, uncomfortable with uncertainty, creates a narrative.
Why does this matter? Because distorted thinking fuels unnecessary anxiety, tension, and even relationship breakdowns. If you believe Laura is avoiding you, you might treat her coldly next time you see her. If you think she’s given up, you might judge her unfairly.
The mind’s need to ‘complete the picture’ can lead us into a web of misunderstandings. Recognising distortion is about learning to pause and say, “Hang on — what do I really know here?”
2. Deletion: When Crucial Information Gets Left Out
Deletion happens when our mind omits important information — often without us even realising. It’s not malicious; it’s just how our brains deal with overwhelming amounts of sensory input. We can’t process everything, so we selectively ignore some data.
With Laura, the deletion might look like this:
You forget that Laura mentioned she was going to visit family this week.
You overlook that it’s half-term and she has kids.
You ignore the fact that she might be unwell or simply taking a rest day.
These bits of information may have been known to you, but in the moment, they’re deleted from your conscious awareness. Instead, the absence becomes a mystery or a drama. The emotional response (concern, annoyance, rejection) fills the space where logic and memory should be.
Deletion often works hand-in-hand with distortion. Once important context is removed, we’re more likely to fill that blank space with a fabricated meaning.
One powerful tool for countering deletion is curiosity. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can ask, “What might I not be seeing here?” or “What else could explain this?”
3. Generalisation: Drawing Big Conclusions from Small Clues
Generalisation is when we take one piece of information and apply it broadly. It’s a shortcut our brains use to create patterns, but it can often lead us astray — especially in emotionally charged or ambiguous situations.
In this example, generalisation might show up as:
“She’s never coming back.”
“People always give up eventually.”
“No one is reliable anymore.”
This type of thinking extrapolates far beyond the immediate situation. From one missed gym session, the mind might decide something about Laura’s character, other people, or even the nature of commitment in general.
While generalisation can sometimes help us learn quickly (“stoves are hot — don’t touch them”), in interpersonal or emotional contexts, it can create distance, mistrust, and negativity. By turning a specific event into a sweeping conclusion, we close ourselves off from nuance and compassion.
To challenge generalisation, it helps to ask: “Is this always true?” or “Am I basing this belief on one isolated event?”
How These Distortions Work Together
What makes distortion, deletion, and generalisation particularly powerful — and potentially harmful — is how they interact.
Let’s return to our initial thought pattern:
Deletion: You forget that Laura mentioned her plans to be away this week.
Distortion: You interpret her absence as laziness or avoidance.
Generalisation: You conclude that people can’t be counted on or that gym partners always flake in the end.
These mental shortcuts spiral together to create a compelling, emotionally charged narrative. But it’s a fictional narrative — built not on facts, but on assumption, bias, and incomplete information.
What Can We Do Instead?
Recognising thinking distortions is a critical step toward more balanced, compassionate, and clear-headed living. Here are three simple tools to help:
Pause Before You Judge Ask yourself, “What do I actually know to be true right now?”
Challenge the Thought Consider alternative explanations. “Is it possible Laura is away for a good reason?”
Stay Curious, Not Certain Replace assumption with inquiry. Maybe talk to her. This is the key point. Talking to her, or someone , can reveal the limitations in thinking.
Often, a single text or open-hearted question can dissolve a whole fortress of misunderstanding.
Actually I know the reality is Laura’s absence from the gym is down to the fact that I go the gym at different times to her (yes, it's as simple and mundane as that). But if it was some other life event that sparks confusion, worry, or judgement, it becomes a revealing case study in how our minds construct meaning — sometimes inaccurately. Talking to a therapist such as myself can quickly reveal these patterns of thinking.
Understanding distortion, deletion, and generalisation helps us to take a step back from knee-jerk assumptions and respond to the world — and each other — with greater clarity and compassion. Our thoughts aren’t always facts. And learning to separate the two is one of the most empowering skills we can develop.
So next time someone’s unexpectedly absent, late, or silent — take a breath. Next time your mind is beginning to spiral into negativity step and attempt to understand that there’s probably more to the story than you know. And the version your mind is telling you might just be fiction.
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